Thursday, May 26, 2011

how long

I wonder about some things.  After we get home.  

How long will it take me to be able to drink water from the tap?  (Right now it gets boiled for 30 minutes, then put through ceramic filters, and then through a brita for taste.)  It's hard to imagine putting my toothbrush under the faucet to rinse it off.  Do people really do that?

How long will I save all ziploc bags, all pieces of aluminum foil, all grocery bags, all jars, all pieces of plastic containers until they are full of holes?

How long will I examine every dollar bill to verify if it is "good" before using it?  U.S. dollars are the currency here and only usable if they are 2004 or newer and in mint condition (meaning not even the tiniest rip or tear anywhere on the bill).

How long will it take me to remember how to drive a car?  I haven't driven a car since Nov. 2009.

How long will it take me to remember how to cook, mop, iron, wash the dishes?  Yeah.  Pretty much haven't done that for 4 1/2 years.

How long will I remember my fear in the night?  How long will I remember what it is like to not have access to good health care and the vulnerability of having no control?

How long will I remember that I am rich, and will always be rich?

How long will I miss congo?  How long will the pieces of my heart that I have left here, remain?

How long will I remember the aching in my heart when constantly faced with poverty on a daily basis?  How quickly will I forget how most of the world lives?  How most of the world struggles for the basic things I will soon take for granted everyday?

How long will I remember the quiet dignity and strength of so many?

How long will it take me to feel comfortable in my own skin again?  How long will it take me to blend in, to fit in?  Will I always feel a bit lost and wondering which way is up in this crazy, beautiful, heart breaking world?

How long will it take me to feel gratitude for what I have without feeling guilty for what others don't at the same time?

How long will my girls remember their first home?

How long will I remember the many graces that were shown to me here, that changed my life, that have taught me to love generously, to forgive, to walk humbly, to give grace back, to have courage, to step out in blind faith?

How long?


Bukavu

2 comments:

Shauna said...

I don't know, Holly. I was only there for 1 1/2 weeks, 10 months ago, and I still struggle with so many of these things.

mary said...

"Will I always feel a bit lost and wondering which way is up in this crazy, beautiful, heart breaking world?"

probably, but He will always be walking with you