Wednesday, June 22, 2011

never. going. to. leave. (and other randomness)

I have a lot of things I could write, a list of posts actually.  But tonight, I just am sitting here asking myself, "when will we ever leave???".    More and more adoption related delays.  We are about to change our tickets for the third time.  Meanwhile, I keep having to tell people good bye (I was supposed to have left before they all did, but now, I will be one of the last to leave).  And I cry.  Then I think of all the things I wish I had said to them or how I want to tell them how I will miss them and how much they mean to me.  And the moment passes, the words are left unsaid.

I am stuck in such a weird limbo land right now.  Neither here nor there.  Suitcases and trunks everywhere.  All dressers and cupboards are empty.  I sell more and more of our left behind belongings every day.   Dust coats every surface as it comes billowing in from the road.  There are tiny ants everywhere.  On the kitchen floor in the morning, there are literally thousands!  The grass is turning brown.

Random note.  Yesterday Natalie told me that all her classmates and teachers married each other in school.  And everyone wore pink dresses.  She was completely serious (and she is not one to make up stuff, she is quite rational and logical) and told me who she married.  I can't confirm the story with anyone else.  Strange.  

There isn't enough water to get hot water.  The two younger kids think the bath is a torture chamber (ice cold bathing is not their cup of tea apparently).  The two older now tell me that they LOVE cold baths and love to screech and holler as they throw water on themselves.  They are little icicles when they get out.   I refuse to partake in such joy.  So instead, I boil water on the stove and take a small lukewarm bucket bath about once a week.  really.  

I caught one of the littles today trying to drink out of the tylenol bottle.  Thankfully I caught her before she was successful!  Huge panic moment!  Too much packing and stuff out right now.  (Oh, and children's medicine bottles are NOT Mia-proof).  

I don't think it has hit me yet that we really will be leaving one day.

The great part about this is that  I may be able to take my mom up to the orphanage (I really didn't think I would be going again).  That would be awesome!

still some lovely flowers in the yard

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Holly,
I can feel your frustration and anxiety and anticipation. It just about brings me to cry. I pray that you can remain in the moment and fill your soul with gratitude for what you have, and for what you and Michael have been able to do for so many people over there. You will be sorely missed perhaps more than you can imagine, I'm sure. I can't tell you how proud I am of all of you... your strength and courage and fortitude. I am in awe of the incredible amount of love and compassion you share with everybody over there, especially the children. You will be back here before you know it. Enjoy the best you can the remaining days you have with those who count you as their friends.
God bless.
Your cousin,
Michael Brown