Monday, September 5, 2011

in the midst of the unknown

I had a talk with a friend tonight which reminded me of times in the last year and a half when our lives were full of unknowns and we were faced with disappointments.  In the end of 2009, it had become clear to us that the little boy we had fallen in love with and had planned to adopt would not be a part of our family.  It's a very long story, and he still lives in an orphanage without a family, but the reasons why the adoption didn't happen are not a part of this post.  What's important to know is that we loved him.  I had piles of little clothes for him, I had a bed for him, he was our baby boy.  We felt so much loss when we stopped the adoption proceedings.  I didn't know which end was up anymore and it hurt so much that he was still at the orphanage.  It would have been wonderful if the adoption had fallen apart because he had had a family member come take him home, but that isn't what happened.

A couple months after this, in the end of February of 2010 we headed three hours out of town to visit an orphanage we had heard about.  We had heard about it before, but it was too far in our minds, so we had gone to the other orphanage.  It was a long hard drive, but that day changed our lives forever.  Not only did we meet our sweet girls, but maybe even more importantly, we saw the dire conditions that the babies and children living there were in at that time.  That led to a lot of sleepless nights and then it led eventually, to Tumaini.  And the kids lives are so different today.  I know what would have happened if we had never gone up there.  So, I will never regret not adopting little M., he wasn't supposed to be our little boy, it is clear.  I pray that one day he will be reunited with his family.  I know God has plans for him, and I know it doesn't involve being a part of our family.  And in place of all the angst and sorrow that once filled my heart, there is joy and peace.

So, this is sent as an encouragement.  If you are going through a time of unknown, of disappointments, of fear, of doubt, remember you are not alone.  Remember that there is a purpose in it all, and sometimes we don't get to see what it is right away, but that we are asked to trust and believe.  Today talking with my friend, I was reminded that if we saw it all today, we wouldn't have reason for faith.  God is faithful.

going for a hike in our new home

1 comment:

mary said...

tough stuff - i admire the decision you both made and your choice to have faith through it all