Saturday, February 2, 2013

thoughts on marriage, following dreams, and walks in the snow

Walking home last night was a challenge.  It was dark.  It was snowing the kind where you can't see in front of you.  It was 16 degrees.  I had forgotten the flashlight.  And I was wearing work clothes (why are women's work clothes so lousy for any kind of weather but balmy 80s!).  Sort of felt like I was walking home in a blizzard at night.  Our phones weren't working and so Mike didn't know what time to come and get me.  Thankfully, I got a ride from a neighbor.

Following our dreams meant making sacrifices that at times are hard.  Money is scarcer than it has ever been.  We make do with one car.  We utilize the bus.  And most of the time, it works fine.  Mike has never minded the walk to the bus stop in the mornings and afternoons.  And most days, the mile walk home on our country road doesn't bother me either.

Some days, we can see the dream we are chasing clearly in front of us, other days (most of them) its far ahead of us and allusive in the dim light.  

Lots of little ones, tight budgets, expensive child care costs, walks in the dark on cold nights, stressful school programs, new jobs, trying to make new friends, adjusting to the states, loneliness--a lot of stress is on our marriage.  We realize we are different people than who we were when we left for congo over almost 6 years ago with our newborn in tow.  We are learning to know each other again, tentatively taking steps toward one another, the new and old people we have become.

We learn to do without the things we thought we needed.  We learn to appreciate the things we took for granted.  And we try to hang tight to each other in the midst of it all.

One of our one day live on the west coast again (maybe not literally ON the coast though).  One day...

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