Lately, I've been learning a lot about control and how when I don't have control of what is happening in my life I struggle. The last three months have been hard. I have been sick, we have moved from our home of the last two years, we packed up our house and sent our belongings on a container to Tanzania, and I had surgery.
Then, I found out I needed even more surgery and my kids went with my husband to Tanzania while I stayed here in the states. Talk about things being out of my control.
It has been really really hard to open my hands and let go of the tight control I had on my life. Saying goodbye to my kids was almost impossible. Facing major surgery this week is just plain terrifying. Deciding to have my husband stay with the kids when I have surgery was a necessary but very difficult decision.
But, in the letting go process I have heard reassurance. I have heard words spoken by my God in dark moments when I have been too despairing to lift my head up. I have been given comfort when I felt overwhelmed and afraid.
I have heard, "you are not alone, you will be okay, I am with you, you are not alone." And peace floods my heart. Everyday, I am given mercy and grace. Everyday, I am given the strength to trust a little more that no matter what happens in the future, I am not alone, He will never leave me or forsake me.